Jackson's Journal

3:31pm: I think I quit this journal, I don't like it very much.

10:10pm: I can't sleep. There is a woman stuck between my eyelids. I woud tell her to get out if I could. But there is a woman stuck in my throat.

-Eduardo Galeano

7:15pm: I think that people would like me more if I were a boy.
Not Danny though.

5:33pm: Fucking disgusting.

5:33pm: ( psht )

4:57pm:
Holy Fucking Shit!!!!!

My love is so strong it frightens me. I find it in late afternoon waffle mix and overlapping bodies. It peers out from behind corners and crawls through hollow walls. My love is capable of making things cement. I'll be your tape when you're broken, your DIY fixall for uninspired days. This is for anyone I've ever loved. This is for everyone I'm capable of loving. It's film reels and backwords dredlocks and teary backyard meetings. It's fights and apathy and fear. It's metal mania, moshing, long wavy hair and the lackthereof. It's black whiteboys with crooked teeth and sensitive ribs, lonely New Yorkers and Syliva Plath rejectors. It's blonde bombshells and vixen brunettes and everything in between. It is me me me age twelve age four aged 17 years and 8 months, short long thin and skinned kneed, rounded hipped pink lipped small breasts and all. It's small. It's Sam Cooke. It's smelling like a goddamn hampster cage and loving it. I love you.

2:35am:


1.
Build little emotional card houses.
2.
pull out the foundations just to see them fall down.

11:38am: "Off to the side, not far from the stage, is a frat boy, bouncing along to the music. He's built like a rugby player, no pretense to his style, and he things the whole thing is great! He's just dancing away there with a grin on his face, no edge to him at all, and you wonder, watching him get a kick out this show, if there's any real edge to it, since a normal frat guy can take it so casually. Sitting behind us is a downtown freak, who's got multi-hued hair and plucked eyebrows and and absurdly long, thin arms and legs. He must be thinking, "How dare this happy frat boy enjoy our music," so he winds his way to the front and launches himself at the frat boy, wraps spider arms and legs around him and tries to wrestle him down. Frat boy squares his shoulders a little, causing Spider Guy to fall off, and the bouncer is there immediately to step between them. Spider Guy wends his way back to his seat, so Happy Fratty, who's fairly soused and still full of goodwill, goes to the lip of the stage and reaches his hand out to shake with James, no hard feelings. James kicks the hand, and Fratty shrugs and goes back to bouncing along with the beat, as happy as ever."
-http://www.jameschance.net
Perhaps the best thing I've ever read.

6:02pm:
I have decided that DanVlad Joseph is my hero.

7:52am: I had a dream that I went and saw Saul Williams sing at some dudes house, and when I got there a guy asked me my name and then immediatly kissed me, so I pushed him away, and then I met Saul Williams but he seemed tired and sad so I backed off, and then I sat with Nick Walker and we talked about how he is In Love with Terri D, and when we were done, I realized we missed Saul's set.
yeah.
Oh, and he was performing alongside Snoop Dog and some other guy, like they were a squad. And that made me feel weird.

8:46pm:
( oh my. )

9:38pm: According to Pascale. [accord...ian....ing...]

I am an accordian. Squeezed and pressed and buttons all down the side. Joy! I want to do a little dance! An accordian-esque dance. Ooooooh.

5:09pm: I want to sleep for 8 days straight
I want to sleep till every thing makes sense
Last night, 6:44 till this morning, 6:42
I am a sleeping God.
Bow before my tired eyes and pillow marked cheeks,
fucker.

9:02pm: and if young hearts should explode from all the lies they are told
Something about t rides home always makes me feel beautiful
strong nosed and shady eyed and tiny and utterly present, grounded in being anonymously there. Thousands of people must've seen me on the green line, hundreds of thousands, and thought something small and forgotten it later, and maybe they'll remember in a couple of years, or next weekend while they are having sex or reading a book or trying to sleep. Heaven knows, I do that, so why shouldn't they? It'd be a shame if I were the only one memorizing train patrons.
Oh man. Once I puked in Kenmore station and then I wrote a poem about it. I wonder if the chick with the expensive shoes remembers that. I don't know what she looks like anymore but I can imagine.

Pfffft.
The point is, I saw two amazing men with dredlocks and geeez.... Pascale, I love your hair. I loveloveloveit.
( ps. )

11:03am: YESTERDAY

I went to downtown crossing to go to this NO WTO event but instead I ended up buying a red hooded sweatshirt and I'm excited to stencil something on it. And then I met up with Amanda and Nathanial and we ran around in china town where there are azns like everywhere and tried to buy these amazing chinese cigarettes but couldnt because we don't speak chinese. and then we went to the swan boats and if I ever am desperate for a job I will be a swan boat steer-er/paddler. And then we met up with ReneeRayRives and Isaac and Jesse Van Buren and some boy whos name i don't know so lets call him Steve and Adam Carlis and we talked about hating rich people and we drank slurpees.

AND THEN Adam and Steve and Nathanial and Amanda left and we went to Buddah's delight and ate food and scared Isaac with Whale stories because he is scared of the ocean and ate each others food, viciously. With Intent!


BUT THIS IS THE ONLY PART WORTH READING, THEN WE WENT TO RAY'S FRIEND'S ART SHOW THINGY
and it's in the south end and we walk there and they are all these hoity-toity women in black drinking wine and eating grapes and Ray can't find his friend, and we are all raggedy and dirty and we go inside and the woman who is putting on the show is named RANDACE which is the ugliest name ever and she runs over and introduces herself and is really excited to see us and pours us wine. and everytime my wine glass is almost empty she RUNS OVER AND SAYS JAAAAAAAAACLIN- MORE WINE? and keeps introducing Renee to people and he is schmoozing up a storm, and we realize that these people love us they want to be us they think we are the hot young artist underground n shit, n the upper-upperclass always want to seem cultured so they read about lightning bolt in the new yorker and see them live, and they worshipped the ground I walked on. AND THIS IS WHAT I WILL DO EVERY WEEKEND. GO TO ART OPENINGS AND GET DRUNK AND
WE MADE FUN OF THEM AND ATE THEIR FOOD AND DRANK THEIR WINE AND LAUGHED AT THEIR MASTURBATION FACES AND THEN I STOLE 7 YEAR OLD CHAMPAGNE FROM THE FRIDGE IN THE BATHROOM AND WE WENT TO MY HOUSE AND DRANK IT, but only after Renee got sloppy drunk and freestyled and got hit on by James the literal artfag, who like realism and wants to realistically paint his nuts. And Jesse and Isaac and I are like WOAH.

so we go home to Brookline, and all these kids come to my house and I'm confused, and we drink champagne and Joanna is mopey but then she is tipsy so it's ok again, and we go to see the dark crystal and Renee is super crazy and we are really obnoxious and Clemmie is Kira in the movie.
And then I came home and went to sleep, and Isaac is my favorite person to sleep with, and everyone watched some Johnny Cash stuff while we slept and I woke up and everyone was gone but Ray who was sleeping. And Now I Am All Alone. Best night in a long time.

THE END.

9:04pm: Blooomonky: if mary dropped ur baby girl tonight what would her middle name be?
PinkLipsSinkShps: Rock and Roll MCDONALDS gerstel-friedman

10:31pm: dfhs

11:23pm: Here, I will speak a little bit more truth.
I am excited to go back to school. Everyone that hates me there lets me know it and I don't have to speculate. Let's get married and move to Brooklyn, or maybe Paris, or even Northampton. This is an open invitation.

6:57pm: Here, I will speak the truth.
From now on, I'm only going to wear my orange sweater, Caroline's Elvis shirt, and my amazing new bra I bought the other day. I might wear my really tight blue jeans but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that yet. We'll see.